Reflection
by UsuallyAlly
Summary: "I tell myself I'm in too deep then I fall a little farther every time you look at me." Post ep. 6X14 Dressed to Kill. Oneshot.


**So, this is my first attempt at any kind of fic for any fandom at all. I've been reading some of your amazing stories for a couple of months now, and decided that it was finally time to give it a go myself. Reviews, favorites, and feedback are most certainly appreciated; welcomed even. I look forward to reading whatever you guys have to say, and I hope you enjoy this. **

* * *

"_I would bet my life like I bet my heart _

_That you were the one, baby_

_I've never been so sure of anything before _

_It's driving my heart crazy. _

_I can't hold out, I can't hold back now. _

_I tell myself I'm in too deep_

_Then I fall a little farther_

_Every time you look at me." _

_"Look At Me" -_Carrie Underwood.

* * *

This was most certainly not anywhere near what Beckett had on her agenda for the day. It's not every day that a case crosses paths with the detective's past, and even more bizarre that she finds herself in such an unusual predicament at the moment.

"How in the hell did I manage to get roped into this," Kate thinks to herself as she steps into the dressing room of Modern Fashion, groaning inwardly to herself as she tries to logically reason through exactly how she is supposed to pull this off.

The brunette detective sighs to herself as she places the garment bag onto the rack and takes a step back to more carefully analyze her situation. Her hazel eyes sparkle in the dimly lit dressing room as her brows furrow in deep concentration; perfectly white teeth peeking out from their hiding place to grasp onto a soft bottom lip as a look of intense concentration takes over her features. For a moment, Beckett wants nothing more than for the bag to disappear. Okay, so maybe that is a little irrational, even badass homicide detectives are capable of appreciating fashion. No matter how much she wishes to deny it and run away, a small part of Kate is secretly dying to know just what the contents of the bag hold; the urge to flee rapidly beginning to drown out the voice laughing inside her head at such a ridiculous notion. The name Kate Beckett is associated with badass homicide detective; not, supermodel.

Beckett closes her eyes and sighs, probably a bit louder than necessary. There was no way she could escape this now. "Get a hold of yourself. It's a dress, not a military trained sniper," she thinks to herself as she finally approaches the bag. Slowly, Kate reaches out for the zipper on the garment bag, and drags it down in one fluid motion…..

"Do you need any help in there," Matilda's voice booms from outside, bringing Detective Beckett out of her reverie. The younger woman takes a deep breath before twisting the knob of the dressing room door and slowly making her way towards the sound of Matilda's voice. "No. You know what, when you asked me to try on a dress and I said yes, I had no idea that it would be _this_ kind of dress." Matilda's mouth jaw falls open in surprise, eyes widening, as Kate emerges from the dressing room wearing a breathtaking, couture, full-length, wedding gown that looks as if it has been designed specifically for her. "What do you think," Kate asks, a bit shyly as she pauses in front of Matilda, her lips curving into a bright smile as she waits for answer.

"It's amazing."

"Yeah."

Matilda instantly rushes to Kate's side and begins to carefully analyze the dress on her temporary mannequin before gently ushering the younger woman toward the full length mirror in a corner of the large room. Beckett's smile only widens upon seeing how the dress looks on her. A soft knock on the door and a quickly rushed apology issued by Matilda leaves a wedding dress clad detective alone in front of the mirror to examine herself.

There are no words to describe the look of pure excitement that completely take over the detective's features at seeing how amazing this designer wedding dress looks on her. A part of Beckett can't help but allow her mind to wander; to truly absorb the intensity of this moment. "This is it," she thinks to herself as she gazes at her reflection in the mirror; the meaning of her words, she realizes, prove to be true in more than one way.

Richard Castle has proven himself to be an infuriating, immature, pain in the ass. He never let her get away with anything. He overanalyzed every single tiny, minute, movement she made along with every syllable of every word that she had ever spoken. He drove her outright mad most of the time with his nine-year-old on sugar rush type behavior and anomalous theories. Everything the man did or didn't do made Beckett question her ever fading sanity; yet, here she is examining herself in this extravagant gown, beaming in excitement over their impending wedding day. He had quickly become everything she never knew that she would need; her North Star, her solid ground, her always. The same man whom she had once wanted nothing to do with, whose existence she once loathed with every fiber of her being had slowly become the one person that Kate Beckett never wanted to live without.

Every wall Kate had spent meticulously constructing into place since her mother's tragic passing had come spiraling down piece by piece. She had never allowed herself to be vulnerable around anyone; it was easier for Kate to hide the pain and despair deep inside of her, to deflect and to pretend that nothing was ever wrong, rather than to confront it. Kate Beckett had a flawless poker face. No one had ever really challenged it, to take time to get to know the woman behind the mask as opposed to the every strong Detective, until Richard Castle. The road they traveled together had most certainly not been easy, but it sure as hell has been worth every tragedy that she had gone through to get to this point.

There are still so many times when Kate looks into the mirror and has a difficult time recognizing the reflection that greets her. She struggled with an undying need to be perfect for so long that she found herself at a point where she didn't even know how to cope with even the idea of not being okay; until Castle. He made her see that there was life outside of her job. He showed her that life can be fun.

Beckett's features curve into an even bigger smile, one so immense that it has her whole face hurting, as the pieces of their story replay like a fairytale throughout her mind. She absentmindedly fiddles with the engagement ring on her left hand as she loses herself amidst some of her happiest memories. Green eyes sparkle in the mirror as she admires the gown once again, soon fading into a look of sadness as another revelation spirals into her like a ton of bricks.

Her mother would, once again, miss something else. The detective closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she tries to compose herself. She can't help but allow her mind to digress to thoughts of her mom, and how much it would mean to Kate if she could be present on her only daughter's wedding day. Her mom will never be able to see how perfect the dress is. She will never be by Kate's side to aid her in planning the perfect wedding, or even get a chance to meet the man that Kate is irrevocably in love with and who has completely stolen her daughter's heart.

"She would've loved you," Kate thinks to herself as she flashes a watery smile into the mirror.

Beckett sighs to herself before her lips curve into another small smile, bringing the young woman out of her reverie as she maneuvers her downcast gaze to meet her reflection once more. Sure, she missed her mom. Not a day goes by that Kate doesn't remember the time they spent together, nor will the detective ever forget how tragically she was taken from them; but for once, Kate is not going to allow her never ending need for justice to consume her as it has countless times before. She will be going through with the only thing that has made sense in her life for so long. She is going to marry the man of her dreams, and for the first time in what seems to be an eternity, she is truly happy.


End file.
